I live with the wounds of love..
I live with the remnants of my broken faith..
I live my life being coward and brave
I live with the life and live with the death..

I live in my shell with my joy and sorrow..
I live in the open space, hollow and hollow..
I live in the tune of the morning breeze..
I live my life to go on and not to freeze..

I still have you in the depth of my heart..
And still I love showing my smiling face..
I still want to cry on your shoulder..
But still I like life going in the swift pace..

Deep inside me I am torn out with pain
Deep inside still I want to shout
And then I have the courage to regain
Still I am alive with my pains buried out.

Then I start destroying this disguise
And I start the pain releasing
Then I feel that you are the paradise..
And I start living for a new morning…

What is so worthy about my life?

At 4:00am in the morning I am still awake and writing this pretty boring stuff and even thinking of publishing it so that you can go through and guess my mental condition. Thanks to this blogging culture I have also developed the practice to share my private emotions with you. ‘You’ means public. The public—the word which I never ever thought to care much.Got enough bored with the introduction part? Then let us move to the worthy part of this thing. Wait. Worthy-what the word exactly means? Are you clicking on the dictionary icon installed on your desktop?? Or you are thinking of giving me some examples of living a life worthy, citing example from your own life? No need to do that. Actually being a born pessimist, I know rather believe everyone’s life is fulfilled as he/she wants except me. Or it may be so that everybody around me is having a successful life indeed. Anyway I am not discussing about success but about worth of life.Life,my life. Before going into further detail I should mention that I am not insomniac. In fact I am feeling so sleepy that I can’t even type my words properly in an organized way. Anyway you know Bill Gates and Microsoft and the wonderful s/w Microsoft words. SO whenever I am typing any word incorrectly, missing any letter in a particular word MSWord is prompting me to make it correct. Life is so easy here.no? You have some limited choices and you are selecting the correct one from those. But I did not have much choice but to stay awake in the night as per my Manager’s instruction and of course as my project demanded.
Not always, but sometimes I think what the hell I am doing here sitting in my cubicle at this hour trying hard to keep my eyes wide opened and trying to read some worthless time pass Sidney Sheldon. Seriously sometimes I think of leaving my job and going back to my home and doing nothing at all.Nothing means absolutely nothing but to destroy my parents’ bank-balance. Oh! While talking about bank-balance I remember I have my own bank account also and yes, to my utter disbelief I have some savings also. Some savings so that I can apply to some universities even if my greatest support ever(of course my parents!) do not support this ‘utterly butterly wrong’ ambition. But still I don’t have any particular plan and think of nothing particular at all. Oh God! Why am I so dumb and numb while everybody around me is bright enough. Sometimes I feel the life will go on as it is going on. It is neither bad nor good but yet someway peaceful and without complications.(I hate complications and controversies and tried to avoid them all through my life!!)but definitely not worthy at all. Yes this mechanical life is not worthy at all and believe me nothing is so serious to write about this weird life any more!!!.
I promise to come back to you when I can serve you with some spicy news or at least some positive updates about my life and altogether. Till then Bye.….

Let me live…..

I am waling all alone
Tired and exhausted
Why don’t you understand
That I need you?
Yes, You are the only one..
Only one to touch my loneliness
To touch my feelings
To touch my soul
To touch my desires
To touch me with all my incapabilities…

I live like a discreet island with palm trees and green grasses..
You are the sunlight to enlighten those greens..

I live like a forest, dark and deep
You bring the life there..

I live like an ocean, waves and waves..
You are the depth in that naughty ocean..

But I can live like anything you want
Just don’t let me destroy myself..
Don’t throw me in that loneliness again
Loneliness—where from u took me out..

Let me live like me…
Cause I don’t want to die..
Cause I want to live forever to have you beside me
Through the long path of happiness and sorrow..
The path which I walked alone…….


Asmita
10/April/2007
12:45PMIST

Unhappy??

Sitting in the 14th floor balcony of my lovely apartment...
Staring at the glowing street lights of this multinational city…
Trying hard to recollect myself...
Thinking of the happiness flowing all over the city…
Trying to find out the meaning of life...
Trying to find out the meaning of happiness…
Do you think me unhappy or…
Do you think me crazy?

I don’t dare to ask myself whether I am really crazy..
I don’t care about what they tell…

I observe people in the streets...
So many people are awake at this late hour…
Are they still searching for happiness?
The girl in pink skirt holding her boyfriend’ hand...
The boy in blue denim flying with his new Pulsor …
The guys in the 15th floor dancing with jolly numbers…
Are they happy with all these?
Why they are laughing so much…
Are they really happy??

Am I the only person tonight who is awake with her glass of drink
And still not able to find happiness?
Why can’t I join these people..
Why can’t I enjoy these so-called happy activities..
I can’t think any more…
I am getting exhausted…
I can’t enjoy the light any more…
I am unable to enjoy the music…
It is getting stiff from my head to toe..
I can’t move also…
Am I going to die??

I don’t want to know either…
I want some peace…
Please let me sleep…

Ego

Stars are always there waiting for me…
Sometimes hidden by the scorching sunlight...
Sometimes brightened as diamonds….
But how can I be so sure that they are waiting for me only
While I don’t have time at all to look at them

It is raining outside just for me…
Tip-Tap-Tip-Tap ….
Sounds of rainfall...
Sweet but it distracts me from my work...
But how can I be so sure that it is raining for me only
While I don’t have the time to dance in the Rain...

Flowers are blossoming just for me...
Overflowing the surroundings with that sweet scent...
Making the design that was never designed before...
But how can I be so sure that they are blossoming for me
While I don’t have the time at all to enjoy their beauty…

Perhaps this is that which we call Ego..
This sense of having everybody around me
Makes myself complete even if I don’t have the time for others…

I don’t know how long they will wait if I never turn up at all….
Still I hope...
Still I expect them to wait for me ….
Want everyone around me when I need…..
Even if I never care for them…


Asmita
28/03/2007