Unhappy??

Sitting in the 14th floor balcony of my lovely apartment...
Staring at the glowing street lights of this multinational city…
Trying hard to recollect myself...
Thinking of the happiness flowing all over the city…
Trying to find out the meaning of life...
Trying to find out the meaning of happiness…
Do you think me unhappy or…
Do you think me crazy?

I don’t dare to ask myself whether I am really crazy..
I don’t care about what they tell…

I observe people in the streets...
So many people are awake at this late hour…
Are they still searching for happiness?
The girl in pink skirt holding her boyfriend’ hand...
The boy in blue denim flying with his new Pulsor …
The guys in the 15th floor dancing with jolly numbers…
Are they happy with all these?
Why they are laughing so much…
Are they really happy??

Am I the only person tonight who is awake with her glass of drink
And still not able to find happiness?
Why can’t I join these people..
Why can’t I enjoy these so-called happy activities..
I can’t think any more…
I am getting exhausted…
I can’t enjoy the light any more…
I am unable to enjoy the music…
It is getting stiff from my head to toe..
I can’t move also…
Am I going to die??

I don’t want to know either…
I want some peace…
Please let me sleep…

Ego

Stars are always there waiting for me…
Sometimes hidden by the scorching sunlight...
Sometimes brightened as diamonds….
But how can I be so sure that they are waiting for me only
While I don’t have time at all to look at them

It is raining outside just for me…
Tip-Tap-Tip-Tap ….
Sounds of rainfall...
Sweet but it distracts me from my work...
But how can I be so sure that it is raining for me only
While I don’t have the time to dance in the Rain...

Flowers are blossoming just for me...
Overflowing the surroundings with that sweet scent...
Making the design that was never designed before...
But how can I be so sure that they are blossoming for me
While I don’t have the time at all to enjoy their beauty…

Perhaps this is that which we call Ego..
This sense of having everybody around me
Makes myself complete even if I don’t have the time for others…

I don’t know how long they will wait if I never turn up at all….
Still I hope...
Still I expect them to wait for me ….
Want everyone around me when I need…..
Even if I never care for them…


Asmita
28/03/2007